There's something in the air besides the Covid 19 virus. A definite feeling that the U.K. is on the verge of resuming business as normal in the wake of our mass vaccination program.
But can it ever be "business as normal" for those of us who live with dementia?
I had my first vaccination yesterday. I had not anticipated what an ordeal it would be. Don't get me wrong, the vaccination centre I visited was extremely well run and efficient, But I was not prepared for the sensory overload and the concentration needed to comply with the rules that accompanied process.
I became overwhelmed by the fear that I would make a mistake that would stop the conveyor belt of people being processed. It was a self fulfilling prophecy as I could not remember my date of birth when asked to confirm it. I knew it of course, but I couldn't articulate it. I froze. I flushed. Tears welled-up into my eyes. Then I remembered that I'd written my date of birth on a scrap of paper that was in my pocket. So I quickly retrieved it and read it out. The rest of the process went smoothly, but I felt awful and simply wanted to escape into the fresh air.
Now, I seriously wonder if I'll EVER manage to live the life I did before lockdown. My comfort zone has shifted. It's narrowed. The thought of mingling in a noisy place appals and frightens me.
The word "gregarious" is no longer in my dictionary, and I'm sure that I am not alone in feeling like this.
Yes, I'm looking forward to the opening of shops and places of entertainment, the freedom to travel and the (vague) possibility of a cruise this year, but I don't think that I'll EVER be the same person I was pre-lockdown. So I am resolved to get back into the swim of post-Covid life a little bit at a time. Gingerly dipping my toes into the water at first, then staying in the shallow end for a while, hanging onto the side until I have the confidence to let go.
But I doubt if I'll ever go "mainstream" again.