Neurodivergence and Dementia

By someone living with dementia and embracing neurodiversity

When people think of dementia, they often picture memory loss, confusion, or getting lost in time. But what many don't realise is that dementia doesn't just change what we remember—it can change how we think. For some of us, this includes becoming more neurodivergent in how we process the world around us.

I know, because I live it.

Before my diagnosis, I might have described myself as "a little quirky," perhaps prone to intense focus or sensory overload, but I got by.

Ever since I can remember, I've been a little uncomfortable around large groups of people in enclosed spaces. As a child, I never wanted a birthday party. I always managed to find an excuse not to attend other people's whenever possible.

I have always needed an exit strategy in case I'm overwhelmed by the energy and cacophony that inevitably accompanies social events.

After my diagnosis, those traits didn't disappear. In fact, some of them intensified. I became more sensitive to sound, more overwhelmed in social situations, and I struggled more with filtering information. It was like somebody had rewritten it in a slightly different language.

A while ago, at my daughter's wedding reception, I became overwhelmed by the hubbub and noise. A massive wave of emotion swept over me, and I began sobbing uncontrollably.

As you can imagine, the guests were very concerned, and I was ashamed and embarrassed, but there was nothing I could do about it - it was beyond my control. Thank goodness my wife Pam came to the rescue and got me to a quiet room away from the crowd so that I could recover and leave gracefully.

But being neurodivergent with dementia isn't only about difficulty. It can also bring unexpected strengths, moments of clarity, and intensely creative ways of seeing the world.

Understanding the Overlap

Neurodiversity refers to the natural variation in how brains work. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia—they're all part of the neurodiverse spectrum. Dementia, while progressive and often degenerative, can sometimes cause a person to develop traits associated with neurodiversity.

• Sensory sensitivity: Some days, I feel like I have superhero hearing - every drip of a tap, every tick of a clock is amplified.

• Literal thinking: I take things more literally now. Figures of speech can throw me, but give me clarity, and I shine.

• Social fatigue: After a conversation, even a good one, I often need time alone to recharge.

• Hyperfocus: I sometimes lose hours immersed in a project, like sorting old photographs, organising my computer files or immersing myself in a computer game. And that kind of focus is golden.

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For those people who never considered themselves neurodivergent before dementia, this can be confusing. For those of us who were already neurodiverse, dementia can make old traits stronger or bring new ones to the surface.

Either way, it's important to remember: You are not broken. You are simply "rewired".

Coping Strategies That Help

Living with both dementia and neurodiversity means building a toolbox that's a bit different from the average advice leaflet. Here are some things that genuinely help me:

1. Control Your Environment

Lighting, noise, temperature—small changes make a big difference. I carry noise-cancelling earplugs that I can insert if it gets too noisy when I'm out and about. They're very effective, and not as obvious as ear defenders. I also use warm-toned lights at home to reduce sensory overload.

2. Stick to Routines, But Allow a Little Wiggle Room

Structure helps me feel safe. I keep visual timetables and alarms on my phone. But I've learned not to panic if plans change. Flexibility is a skill I've had to grow gently, like a plant in a shaded garden.

3. Visual Aids and Colour Coding

I use colour-coded labels in the kitchen, picture instructions for complex tasks, and visual reminders around the house. I like to think of it as a friendly nudge from my past self to my future one.

4. Stimming and Self-Regulation

I've learned that gentle repetitive movements—tapping, fiddling, humming—can soothe me when I'm overstimulated. And I've stopped hiding these behaviours. They help. That's enough.

5. Quiet Zones and Time-Outs

I build quiet space into my day. Even five minutes in a soft chair with no demands can reset my system. Everyone should be allowed time just to be.

6. Plan Ahead and Always Have an Exit

Sometimes I need to escape from situations where I experience sensory overload. My car is my safe haven. I have a disabled parking badge for two reasons: Firstly, It enables me to park in a clearly marked area where I can easily locate my vehicle (I tend to forget where I''ve parked), But secondly, when I'm in a neurodivergent panic and need to retreat to my safe place, I need to have my car handy.

But I guess the best advice I can give is - try to avoid putting yourself in a position of vulnerability in the first place.

A Strength, Not Just a Struggle

Yes, there are hard days. But there are also moments of joy and unexpected brilliance. I've discovered creativity I didn't know I had—poetry, art, comedy. My sensitivity means I pick up on things others miss. My honesty is refreshing. My need for clarity makes me a great explainer.

Instead of asking "What's wrong with me?", I've started asking "What do I need?"

Final Thoughts

If you're living with dementia and noticing new neurodiverse traits in yourself, you're not alone - and you're not "getting worse." You're becoming "different". And different isn't a diagnosis. It's a way of being.

Let's change the conversation. Let's stop trying to fit into neurotypical expectations and start designing environments that work for the beautifully varied brains we live with.

We may be rewired, but we're still connected. Still capable. Still us.